Flying Blind

“So, Mom, I have a question. Umm, what’s my insulin to carb ratio?”

V remained in her seat and waited for all of her carpool buddies to exit the car before asking me a little sheepishly. And confessed that she left her PDM (pump remote) at home. This was the first time in four years of pumping that she forgot to bring PDM to school, though we’ve had a number of close calls. OK, let’s problem-solve. I told her what the ratio was. She keeps insulin and syringes at the health office, so she would be able to give herself a shot to cover lunch. I reminded her that she could go off of Dexcom data (continuous blood glucose monitor.) “Umm, I left my phone with the PDM.”

Oops. Dexcom transmits readings to her phone. If her phone is at home, she has no way of knowing what her BG readings are.

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On the left is the PDM, which also acts as a BG meter. On the right is V’s phone displaying Dexcom data. When the numbers match, it’s call a Unicorn. When BG is 100 it’s also called a Unicorn. Therefore you are looking at a rare double Unicorn and it’s a thing of beauty.

So, without access to Dexcom data she’d have to test to know her BG. I was thinking hard and fast. I just happened to have a case with extra supplies with me, which had an extra meter. I found it, turned it on to test it and… Dead battery. But wait, I had an extra battery! I was standing in the school parking lot, fumbling with the battery and I could not take it out for the life of me.

“Forget it! I think you have an extra meter in the health office.” I knew for a fact that she had a meter for ketone strips. There was a good chance she had compatible blood sugar strips with it too.

I sent her off to school and hesitated for a few minutes before driving away. It was 8:40 AM and I had to be at work by 9. I could

A. Go back home, get her stuff and bring it to her, and be really late to work. OR

B. Let her go by feel and manage with supplies she had at school. It was a short day anyway, so I’d be picking her up about 4.5 hours later.

Her morning BG was in good range, her pod would continue to deliver background insulin regardless of where the PDM was, and she had supplies at the health office. She could give herself a shot to cover lunch carbs. And there were helpful staff and other resources at school, in the event something bad were to happen. I took a big breath and decided, for better or worse, to let her fly blind, and drove off to work.

At about 12 I noticed a missed phone call from a different number and a voice message. “Mom, I’m calling from my friend’s phone. There are only ketone strips here. I don’t have test strips for this meter so I can’t test.”

Well, shit.

I took out the spare meter again, and this time I was able to figure out right away how to replace the battery. It’s amazing how much better your brain works when you are not in a big hurry. I would be picking up V and her brother from school in about an hour. She could hang in there.

As I was driving to pick up, V called me again from someone else’s phone. “Yes, I got your message. I was able to replace the battery so we can test your BG when I pick you up. I am on my way. See you in a few minutes.”

When I picked up the kids, V told me that she gave herself a shot for her lunch plus an extra couple of units just in case. I pulled out the meter and reached into the spare supplies bag to get test strips except… they were not there! Murphy’s law never fails! Back to square one. I drove the carpool buddies home and then hesitated again. We would normally drive straight to piano lesson and I had no extra time to spare. I could

A. Go home first to grab V’s stuff and be very late for piano lesson. OR

B. Continue to fly blind for another hour-plus.

V was feeling OK. She ate lunch, so she was not starving. She was not experiencing any symptoms of high or low blood sugar. We had plenty of fast acting sugar with us. I took a deep breath and again, for better or worse, decided to continue flying blind.

V turned away from me looking upset. “You have no idea how stressful it is to not know what your blood sugar is! I already felt low in the morning and treated even though I didn’t know if I was actually low!” Good decision, kiddo!

I think it’s the longest she’s ever gone not having any information about her BG and going completely by feel. I do not doubt it was very stressful for her. To be honest, I was pretty nervous too, but proceeded to drive to piano lesson anyway. I have faith in V’s ability to listen to and trust her body, and lately she has been feeling both her highs and lows more consistently. And I have faith in our collective ability to deal with whatever situation may arise. If she felt low, we would treat. And if she felt high, while it’s not ideal, we could wait an hour or two before giving a correction. It would be OK.

Piano lesson was uneventful. When we got home, V immediately beelined for her PDM and tested. 60. Whew. *

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to finally test my BG!”. Not the words you hear often from a T1 tween.

File this under “lesson learned.”

Also, file this under “all is well that ends well.”

Also, file this under “go straight to D-Mom hell for being so reckless.”

*60, while considered hypoglycemia, is not necessarily a bad number for V, nor it is necessarily an indication of her BG dropping even lower. I know of at least a few T1’s who consider 60’s to be within acceptable range for them, just as I know a number of T1’s who cannot be below 70+. Sometimes we let her ride it out in the 60’s as long as she is feeling well, not trending down, not doing any physical activity, and does not have any active insulin in her system. At times she feels utterly crappy in the 60’s, and then we treat immediately regardless of circumstances. There does not seem to be any rhyme or reason. Why? Diabeetus, that’s why!

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Awareness, More Awareness…

Oh hi there! Come here often? I was totally shocked when I realized my last post was at the end of August. Has it really been that long? I guess I put a few things here and there on my FB page, but haven’t blogged in a while. November is Diabetes Awareness Month and in past years I’ve been blogging up a storm. This November I’ve stayed pretty quiet. I don’t have time or energy to post every day (or every month – HA!). I was not going to post anything today either but blogging material landed on my lap.

V’s diabeetus may have been feeling neglected, because just as World Diabetes Day got started on November 14th, diabeetus decided that we needed more awareness of it. To that end, Dexcom low alarm went off. And boom – one minute we are sleeping peacefully  and completely unaware, the other minute we are totally aware!

What a better way to mark Wold Diabetes Day than to battle lows in the middle of the night. (That was sarcasm.) Why was V’s BG so low? Diabeetus, that’s why.  According to all rules and logic it should not have happened. She went to bed at a solid 80 with no active insulin in her body and trend arrow holding nice and steady. She has walking pneumonia, which technically could have/should have raised her BG overnight, not lowered it. And in the past few days she’d been steadily going up overnight, even if she started with a good number before bed. We have not made any recent changes to her pump settings. We have not administered any insulin at bedtime. And yet, we had to pump her with four glucose tabs and suspend insulin delivery for an hour, and it took us about 3 hours to stabilize her BG and get it into a safe range.

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Over the course of 3 hrs alarms kept blaring. We kept getting up. V kept waking up. We poked her fingers multiple times. We could have given her more sugar right away but we did not want to over-treat and end up with an epic high, so we kept monitoring and doing it one step at a time. It was stressful and exhausting. Welcome to another night in our humble T1D adobe.

So why am I writing about this now, you may ask? Because I want to bring to light something that we don’t often talk about. What happened last night is great example of “shit happens, T1D edition.” People with diabetes have to face a lot of judgment. One reason for it is an assumption others often make that the person is doing something wrong: they are not eating well; not exercising enough or exercising too much; they are not following their doctor’s orders; they are not taking the correct amount of insulin. That surely there is a way to get BG under better control, to prevent most highs and lows, but the person is not making enough effort.*

Sure, there is always room for improvement and better glucose control. But what I want you to understand, really want you to understand, is that there are times when T1D makes absolutely no sense, follows no rules, and is completely unpredictable. Like last night, when it decided to act like a jerk, just because.

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The one thing I really want you to take away from this post on World Diabetes Day is that diabetes management has so many moving and unpredictable parts. Please don’t assume, never ever assume, that the person with diabetes or their caregiver are doing something wrong or not doing enough. And be prepared that if you ask me “why”, the only answer you may get is “diabeetus, that’s why.” Usually delivered with a shrug.

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*Disclaimer: People with Type 2 diabetes have it one hundred times worse when it comes to these types of judgments and assumptions. Sadly, sometimes it’s my fellow T1 peeps and parents who, in their defensive reactions of “I/my child did nothing to get T1D!”, throw fellow T2 brothers and sisters under the judgment bus. But that’s something to address in a separate post.

 

Fully Loaded

The holidays are here and we are ready to eat all the things! Tomorrow we are having a Christmukah Eve potluck with our friends. Sunday we are having Christmas Day potluck with the same group of friends. Because why have one holiday meal if you can have two?

Last night we had company over for dinner, which gave us a good opportunity to do a dry run of holidays diabetes management. In line with how we handled Thanksgiving dinner last year, I decided to be aggressive with insulin and rely on Dexcom to monitor trends. I eyeballed the meal, overestimated the carb count, gave V a generous amount of insulin upfront, and spread out the other half of the dose over three hours. She wanted more dessert and we said yes, and gave more insulin. “Mom, do you realize I already have 11 units onboard?” “Yep. Give yourself more!”

All evening V’s BG stayed in the 130-180 range, which is fantastic. She gave herself some insulin before bed, which brought her into a nice low 100’s range for the duration of the night. It was a thing of beauty. This weekend’s goal: replicate this as closely as possible.

It was time to change V’s pod tonight. I was about to fill it with around 170 units of insulin, which normally lasts for 3 days with some extra to spare. Then I remembered about all the eating that will happen this weekend. For the very first time in three years of pumping, I loaded V’s pod with 200 units, filling it to the maximum capacity. Pod is fully loaded and we are ready!

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Wishing for good BG numbers this holiday weekend

 

 

Within Goal

Stay within the lines, the lines are your friend… Screw that, says diabetes…

Our lines are between 70 and 150. We try to beat diabetes into submission by forcing BG to fit between the two lines. Now, this range is rather arbitrary. 70 is fairly standard, as that’s usually the bottom normal for people without diabetes. Some people with diabetes actually feel pretty lousy in the 70’s, so they may shoot for a higher bottom target. V feels excellent in the 70’s, so unless she’s going down or running around/being active, we are perfectly happy there. 150 is a total crapshoot. People with functioning pancreases hardly ever get BG above 120, and that’s usually after consuming a massive amount of carbs. For us, getting through a day without going over 150 is almost unprecedented. It usually happens when V has some sort of GI upset, which makes her run low. So that’s not anything to celebrate or be proud of.

But rarely, very rarely, magic happens. (Full disclosure: we are going to pretend a little here, because at 11:30 V actually dropped below 70. However, my day ended at 11 and, after I snapped the photo below, I fell soundly asleep as soon as I hit the pillow. I did not even hear Dexcom alarm. Hubs got up to handle V’s BG while I blissfully slept through it all.) So, for all I care, March 19th was a perfect day with V’s BG staying within the lines.

Within goal: 100%

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When your kid has T1D…

When your kid has T1D, sometimes you stay up way past your bedtime because she’s low, and low again, and low still. Even after glucose tabs, followed by cutting the insulin, followed by gatorade, followed by cutting more insulin. And you know you’ll write about it in the morning, wishing you could give a better explanation as to why. Or any explanation, for that matter. Because who the hell knows why? And while you think about all of it you check your Starbucks balance because you know you’ll need something with an extra shot or two in the morning. And maybe in the afternoon too. And then you sit down and write a nasty-gram…errr… a polite but strongly worded letter to school officials who are thinking it’s a good idea to save some $ and replace school nurse with a health tech. You think about Flint, Michigan, but decided it’s too dramatic and drastic of a metaphor. You proofread multiple times because you don’t want the letter to read as a nasty-gram. You forget to make kids’ school lunches because you are all upset about the school nurse situation, Dexcom is blaring alarms every 15 minutes, and your brain is fried. You wonder how far Dexom will fly if you throw it. Then you remember how grateful you are to have this helpful technology, so you continue to love-hate it without physical violence. You think about laying down on your kid’s bed to rest but you can’t because the laundry is piled up high on her bed. And she is sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag because of the laundry pile on her bed. You kind of laugh because it’s funny and absurd, and walk out of her room, only to come back two minutes later to silence Dexcom, again. After checking BG for the umpteenth time, you pump your fist when it’s 87. And you finally go to bed, way past your bedtime, wondering if a rebound high alarm will wake you up in the middle of the night, and you dream cruise ship wreck and coffee dreams. And when you wake up in the morning and write this, you’ve completely run out of f***s to check for spelling errors, so there may be some in this post. Don’t judge, OK?

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Diabetes Awareness Month, Day 12

Good sick day, bad sick day.

Well, there is no such thing as a good sick day. V has a cold. The combination of stress on the body, inactivity, and who knows what else, is not kind on BG. Yesterday was not too terribly bad, actually. Today, despite feeling better, BG decided to revolt and stay in high 200s and beyond most of the day. Stupid diabeetus.

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Diabetes Awareness Month, Day 6

Cross-posting from Facebook:

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It’s late, I’m tired and need to get to bed, so I will make this short and sweet. V had her Endo appointment today and her A1C is back to 7.0, down from 7.5. I knew her A1C would be better this time than 3 months ago but it was way better than I expected. And we heard the words “fabulous” and “great control” come out the Endo’s mouth. Happy Day! I’m totally using the occasion to recycle a photo from an old blog post.

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