Diabetes Blog Week Throwback Thursday: What Brings Me Down

Today’s Prompt: Today let’s revisit a prompt from 2014 – May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope?

I asked V what brings her down about living with diabetes. Without skipping a beat she said “Low blood sugar brings me down.” She’s a wiseass. Wonder who she takes after?
I asked her to give it some more thought. “Think about it. What gives you the sads?” After mulling it over, she said “When I can’t eat when my BG is high. My life revolves around food, so it gives me the sads.” And then she happily scampered away.

Perhaps it’s no use asking a 12-year-old what brings her down about living with diabetes when it’s the last thing on her mind. And to her credit often she does this whole T1D thing way better than us, adults. She’ll wonder from time to time how much easier life would be without diabetes. She’ll get annoyed and frustrated about having to deal with the hassle of it. A bad high will add a generous portion of extra upset and anger when she is already upset and angry. A bad low will make her feel really lousy. Sometimes there will be a painful pod or Dexcom change. But she keeps moving along and happily living her life. How I hope that it stays this way.

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I hope she keeps this joy forever and ever

As to what brings me down? I don’t go there too often. I stay away from “what ifs”, take things in stride, and laugh at diabetes whenever I have a chance. When I do go there, it’s not so much down as worried. Worried about bad lows and future complications. Worried about V giving up on her diabetes care as she navigates adolescence. Worried about V being able to maintain good health insurance and access to healthcare when she becomes an adult. Worried about her quality of life with diabetes.

It’s not so much down as defeated. Defeated when we do everything right and still don’t get desired results. Defeated when we can’t put a dent into our credit card debt because medical expenses are relentless. Defeated when that stubborn high BG won’t come down no matter how aggressively we treat it. Defeated when we work so hard to tighten control but the A1C won’t move anywhere but up.

It’s not so much down as angry. Angry every time I hear about a cure in mice. Angry about so much ignorance and misinformation about diabetes. Angry about diabetes and diabetics being the butt of everyone’s jokes. Angry about judgment and hate.

It’s not so much down as exhausted. Exhausted after being up at night because of V’s highs or lows. Exhausted from fighting with insurance. Exhausted from having to shlep to so many doctor’s appointments. Exhausted from having to think about diabetes 24/7.

While V is young, I carry these emotions for her. It is my job as a parent to lessen her burden and I do it gladly. But I can’t do it forever. It is her diabetes and eventually, sooner rather than later, all these burdens that come with it will become hers. It is the one thing that really brings me down. 

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My really pathetic attempt at whipped cream art, created on one of V’s diaversaries. The message spells “T1D Sucks”. Because it does.

 

Diabetes Blog Week Wednesday: The Blame Game

Today’s Prompts is: Having diabetes often makes a visit to the doctor a dreaded experience, as there is invariably bad news of one kind or another.  And sometimes the way the doctor talks to you can leave you feeling like you’re at fault.  Or maybe you have a fantastic healthcare team, but have experienced blame and judgement from someone else in your life – friend, loved one, complete stranger.  Think about a particularly bad instance, how that person talked to you, the words they used and the conversation you had.  Now, the game part.  Let’s turn this around.  If you could turn that person into a puppet, what would you have them say that would leave you feeling empowered and good about yourself?   Let’s help teach people how to support us, rather than blame us!

I’m pleased to say that we are very fortunate. We have a fantastic healthcare team and are surrounded by supportive friends, family and local T1D community. The only one really bad experience we had was at the water park last summer, when V was rudely confronted by a stranger who felt she was cutting the line and, since she did not look sick, did not have any reasons to have a disability pass. I wrote about it in detail in this post.  To be honest, I really don’t feel like revisiting it. When someone passes judgment inadvertently because of misinformation, but without an intent to be hurtful, I am more than happy to have a discussion. But there is no reasoning with a jerk and, aside from standing up to them, I’m not going to waste my time and energy with someone who has no desire to be supportive.

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I can, however, offer a few advanced tips to those who have to deal with us, crazy D-parents and our T1D offspring.

-Instead of asking “How is V’s diabetes?”,  ask “How is V doing with her diabetes?” When asked the former, my knew-jerk response is “Eh, it’s still there.” But even if I’m not trying to be a wiseass (hard to believe, I know), I don’t know how to answer this question. When you ask me how V is doing, I can give you an honest and specific answer. Often it’s “She has good days and bad days.” But sometimes I can share that we’ve hit a sweet spot and things have been relatively uneventful. Or that V is really struggling at the moment.

-Please don’t tell us that you “could never do it” – give shots, or count carbs, or poke fingers multiple times. If you life depended on it you would. Instead, you can say “All this sounds painful and scary and overwhelming.” And personally I take zero offense if you say that you are grateful your kids are healthy and don’t have to deal with any of this crap. No, seriously – feeling bad for us does not preclude you from feeling grateful that you don’t have to go through what we are going through. Trust me, we would not wish it on anyone.

-When V tells you she hates immunization shots, please don’t say in a very surprised tone “But shouldn’t you be used to shots by now?” First of all, have you seen a diabetes syringe? The needle is tiny and the shots are usually painless or sting just a bit. Now, compare it to a needle that is used for immunization shots. It’s a monster in comparison. Secondly, pump and CGM insertions involve needles too. They may not always be visible but they are bigger and they hurt. So the last thing V needs in her life is another shot. You can say just that.

-Last but not least, when you hear about another “breakthrough” or exciting discovery/tech development in the news, please curb your enthusiasm.

 

Diabetes Blog Week Tuesday: The Cost of a Chronic Illness

Today’s prompt is: Insulin and other diabetes medications and supplies can be costly.  Here in the US, insurance status and age (as in Medicare eligibility) can impact both the cost and coverage.  So today, let’s discuss how cost impacts our diabetes care.  Do you have advice to share?  For those outside the US, is cost a concern?  Are there other factors such as accessibility or education that cause barriers to your diabetes care?

For those of us living in the US, this is a hot, scary and depressing topic, especially considering current political climate and escalating insulin prices. Living with diabetes is expensive! In our family, we have three people living with chronic illness. We spend thousands every ear on medication, medical appointments and supplies. And we have good insurance! And don’t even get me started on the price of gluten-free food. I think I will save that rant for a separate post.

Once upon a time, before T1D and before we had kids, hubby and I tried a high-deductible plan. At that time we were pretty healthy, so we figured it was worth a shot. It was definitely a lot cheaper than a standard plan. Turned out that getting reimbursed for our upfront expenses took a really long time. They lost just about every claim we submitted. We eventually got our reimbursements, but knowing that we would have to front a significant amount of $ for even basic medical care really deterred us from seeing doctors. Thankfully nothing bad happened that year, but I clearly remember postponing appointments just so we would not have to deal with costs. How that we live with T1D and other chronic illnesses, I can’t imagine having to deal with a plan like this again. And yet, many people have to.

What advice do I have to share? Is moving an option? Somehow the rest of the developed world figured out how to provide affordable quality healthcare to their citizens.

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For those of us staying put, we need to organize and educate ourselves. First and foremost, do you understand the terms of your health insurance? How much is your monthly premium? Do you understand that the monthly premium does nothing except providing you with access to insurance, and that you are going to incur additional out-of-pocket costs? Do you know the difference between annual deductible and annual out of pocket maximum? What is your individual vs. family deductible? When does your deductible re-set? Do you know the difference between co-pay and co-insurance, and when you are charged one vs. the other? Are your medical supplies covered under pharmacy benefits or Durable Medical Equipment (DME)? What Rx is on the formulary and what meds won’t be covered? Do you have a separate deductible for your pharmacy benefits? Do you know who the in-network vs. out-of-network providers are? Do you know what procedures and equipment require pre-authorization? How often? How much is your ER copay?

Second, you need to advocate fiercely. Don’t take “no” for an answer. If you get a denial, appeal. Work with your doctors to document medical necessity. Learn the language, what to say, how to say it, and who to say it to, to get better results. Ask for help from your device reps – they often know how to get through the hurdles.

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Third, be strategic. We try to schedule medical appointments and supply orders strategically in the beginning of the year so that we can meet our family deductible spending the least amount of money possible. It worked well last year. This year it was a total fail. A similar strategy may work well toward the end of the year. If you met your deductible, and especially if you hit your annual out of pocket maximum for the year, stock up on those medications and supplies. Squeeze in that extra doctor’s appointment if you can/need to.

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Our little stockpile. Note the adorable doggie photobomb 🙂

Fourth, I’d tell you to be financially prepared and set some money aside for healthcare expenses. But I won’t tell you this. BECAUSE IF WE ALL HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO SET ASIDE TO PAY FOR OUR EXPENSIVE HEALTHCARE, MAYBE IT WOULD NOT BE SUCH AN ISSUE?! Yes, I just yelled. It makes my blood boil when some people insinuate that people with chronic health conditions don’t prioritize their healthcare expenses and instead spend money on stupid and unnecessary things. You know, like shiny new iPhones.

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Fifth, pride is stupid. If you need help, reach out. I belong to a vibrant and awesome group of local T1D families. At times people post on our Facebook page asking for a vial of insulin or some test strips to tide them over until their authorization goes through, or their insurance kicks in, or they get their paycheck. Other times people post giving away extras they no longer need. I’ve been on both giving and receiving end. Most T1D peeps will gladly help you out. I personally sleep a lot better at night knowing that if we are in a bind, I know who to ask for help.

Sixth, do your part in educating others about T1D and what it’s like to live with a “preexisting condition.” Help people understand the cost for someone with T1D just to stay alive. Your story and your voice matter. The better everyone can understand the human side of the cost of healthcare, the more we can achieve.

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Gluten-Free Expo Review

Disclosure: The Gluten-Free Media Group provided me with a complimentary admission to Gluten-Free Expo. All opinions are my own.

Gluten-Free expo was amazing. So many different products to explore! I was quite familiar with some products and approached those vendors as a true fangirl. And there were many more that were either new to me or that I have not had a chance to sample in the past.

All the swag! All the vendors!

Without further ado, I present to you some of my favorites.

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Everything by BFree. Like, everything. Breads, bagels, pita bread (yes, GF pita bread exists), breadsticks – everything is so good! I’ve heard of the brand before but this was my first time sampling it. A+

 

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These things are like crack. Seriously, you can’t eat just one. Very tasty and make great appetizers/party food.

 

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So many yummy things by this company that was completely new to me. See that chocolate cake mix? Tried it. Tastes amazing.

 

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So Delicious is so delicious. Also so blurry, sorry. Why yogurt, you ask? Isn’t yogurt normally GF anyway? Well, yes. I loved this for my own selfish reason. In my early twenties I developed mild lactose tolerance. A few years ago it got worse. Thank goodness I can still have cheese and most processed dairy products, as well as just a little bit of milk/cream. But I had to say good bye to yogurts and ice cream altogether, because doubling over in pain is so not worth it. So Delicious makes yummy coconut milk based yogurts and ice-creams. Trust me, I tried many and it’s not that easy to pull it off.

 

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Using the swag I brought back, I assembled V’s lunch later that day: a sandwich with BFree bread roll, So Delicious yogurt, and sun butter.

 

The following day I decided to bring V along. It felt great to be able to tell her that she could eat everything. How often does that happen? Almost never.

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Some of V’s favorites were Sun Butter and Milton’s chips. Yum!

So it’s lovely when everything is GF and I could say yes to everything. Except that stupid diabetes thing that did not agree with all of the sampling V had. We tried to estimate carbs best we could but ended up severely underestimating.

 

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Oops! We fixed it, using mainly insulin. For bonus points tell me at what time we arrived to the Expo? How were you able to tell?

 

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V was excited to assemble her lunch for the following day, using some of her favorite products.

 

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Last but not least, we got to try Keli’s Sauces. Sweet N Sour sauce was hands-down favorite. Not only is it delicious, it’s also pretty low in carbs, at 5 g per 1 TBS. V dips everything into it. It’s taken an honorable place alongside ketchup and it’s a place hard-earned.

I can’t wait to go to the Expo next year and if I’m lucky I’ll make it to other Expos. I highly recommend you do the same. If you go, I have a pro tip for you: go hungry or else you won’t be able to get through even a fraction of samples. Also,  you may not need another meal that day. Or ever.

Giveaway Results!

I feel like Oprah. You get a ticket, and you get a ticket, EVERYONE GETS A TICKET!

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Image Credit: Giphy

Everyone who commented on my last post gets one free ticket to the Gluten Free Expo in San Diego! Please email me using the Contact tab and I’ll give you the code.

Missed the giveaway? I have a 20% off coupon for you!

1. Visi ticketing page: http://ow.ly/t0j7306YzeQ
2. Enter promotional code ADVANCE at the top & click apply
3. Select the ticket(s) you want and & click order now

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Sound of silence

V asked to take a little break from Dexcom. Just for a day or two, she said, and then we’d put it back on. It’s been two weeks and counting. Sometimes you don’t realize how much something affects you until it’s no longer there. This break is helping me realize that I have a major case of alarm fatigue.

These two weeks have been so much quieter. No more daily high and low alerts. No more waking up in the middle of the night to false alarms. No more buzzing and beeping in the middle of various activities. Mind you, there are plenty of other beeps that keep our senses stimulated. The “Beep Beeeeep, Beep Beeeeep” of the pod, one hour after we change it or a few hours before it expires.  Or the “Click Click Click Click Click STAB!” sound of cannula insertion. Or the “SCREEEEEEEAAAAAAACHHHHHHHHHH” song of its people the pod sang to us when it failed this morning. But those are far less frequent noises compared to the daily onslaught of Dexcom alarms.

There have been times here and there I really missed our “Deckie.” V was not feeling well for a couple of days last week and I wished I had the data to better fine-tune her basal rates.  There were a couple of nights we had to get up in the middle of the night and test, instead of being able to glance at V’s BG on our phones. There were several times it would have been so much more convenient to dose by Dexcom instead of having to test. And there were a couple of times I would have treated high BG a lot more aggressively had I had Dexcom trend data to inform me of how BG was responding.

Despite mentioning here and there that she wanted to put Dexcom back on, V does not seem eager about it, and we are not pushing. Truth is, we are enjoying the sound of silence. In the meantime, we are finding value in going back to basics, staying in tune with V’s body, letting go of micromanaging BG, and using our spidey-sense to make dosing decisions. Tonight V woke up, got out of bed and came downstairs to tell me she felt really low. Indeed, she was 44. Perhaps we would have caught it much earlier with Dexcom, but we caught it anyway, treated, and back to sleep she went. A few days ago, she was 56 after intense swim practice. It would have been so much easier if we could see her BG trend on Dexcom. But V asked me if she could wait it out a little and not treat because she felt OK and because her BG often tends to shoot up after practice. I agreed. Sure enough, 15 minutes later she was 65, and settled on a solid number in lower 100’s within an hour.

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No Dexom? No problem. She scores 100 anyway!

This break won’t last forever. V’s middle school sleepover is approaching in a few weeks and at that time wearing Dexcom will not be negotiable. We will take it one day at a time.  And maybe there is room for a compromise? We could turn off all alerts altogether and use Dexcom solely for trend data. Or we could change low alert from 75 to 55, and high alert from 225 to 350, in order to not miss more serious lows or highs. Or perhaps my alarm fatigue will be diminished so much that I will be ready to go back to our old settings and put up with the alerts in exchange for easier and more precise BG management.

This time will come soon enough. Today, I am letting go.

 

 

Global Athlete

Back in January our kids went to ski/snowboarding camp that was put together by Riding on Insulin. Kids and a blast I wrote about our experience in this post. We were really inspired by staff and volunteers of ROI. It was then and there that I decided that I absolutely needed to get involved with RIO somehow. I did so by becoming a Global Athlete so that I can fundraise for ROI to keep the programs going.

ROI has a thriving endurance team. It is comprised of Type 1’s and other Type 3’s (friends and family of Type 1’s). Most of the people train for Ironman races. Now, I am definitely not cut out for Ironman for many reasons, but I can run a little.

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And I am crazy inspired by anyone who does an Ironman. Fortunately, I did not have to sign up for Ironman (or any triathlon, actually) to become part of ROI endurance team. As a Global Athlete, I can stick to running. I’ve made a commitment to run at least three races and raise at least $1500 by the end of this year.

It’s interesting how things work out sometimes. Prior to January camp, I’d been on a racing hiatus. I experienced a major training burnout while preparing for New York Marathon in 2014, and after I completed it I took a break. I kept running but went for over a year without doing a race. My decision to fundraise for ROI kicked me out of my complacency and abruptly ended my hiatus. We came back from ROI camp on Sunday evening; I was enrolled as a Global Athlete and signed up for a race by following Tuesday afternoon. I was one of those things that just felt right.

I decided to stick to half-marathons because I am not yet ready to do another full marathon (though I think I might have one more left in me.) It seemed challenging enough anyway given my hiatus, and that even prior to it I was typically doing only two races per year. My training and fundraising took off.

In March, I completed my first of three – San Diego Half Marathon.

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Yesterday, I completed my second of three – San Diego Rock-N-Roll Half Marathon.

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Actually, our family completed a little triathlon of sorts: all except for my hubby had races yesterday. V had swim meet, her brother had BMX race, and I ran my half. We had to do some crazy juggling to get everyone to their events but we pulled it off.

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My third race is TBD in the fall. I have not made up my mind yet. So many good options out there!

Of course I have to close out with the link to my fundraising page, if you are so inclined to support my fundraising. No amount is too small, every dollar is appreciated, and you know that your donations will go directly toward awesome adventure sports camps for T1D kids. We can’t wait for our next one!