Last night my husband made another effort to check my BG. This time he did it at the right time – around 2 AM – but he completely failed to be discreet. First, his alarm went off. I thought that he set it to check on V, whose BG was still riding high despite aggressive measures to beat it down. He later told me that the alarm was for me. The sound of the alarm fully woke me up. Then he fumbled with the meter and lancing device, something dropped on the floor and made a lot of noise, and we ended up having a good laugh about it. Another fail! I did let him test me, since he went through all that trouble. As you can imagine, my BG was as boring and unexciting as all other times I tested it.
We finally got out of the house today and went out to have pizza for dinner. V was happy to have a testing buddy and my husband got a couple of action shots.
We shared a delicious gluten-free pizza and a salad. I am thankful that we live in a city with many restaurants offering gluten-free options. It makes our life so much easier.
In the evening, I interviewed V about her thoughts on my project. She said it was fun and cool for her to have me doing everything she does, and to be able to watch me do it. She thought I did an “excellent” job: “You did it perfectly and you did not cheat.” When asked if anything surprised her, she said that she was surprised at how boring my blood sugar was, and also at how frustrating it was for me to check my BG in the morning while getting everyone ready. Finally, when I asked V what she thought about me going back to my “normal life”, she said that she will miss having me as a diabetic partner.
I told her that I do not mind checking BG with her from time to time. I’d happily do it more often if the test strips were not so damn expensive. I’ve also discovered, to my own surprise, that counting carbs, measuring my portions and roughly sticking to V’s carb guidelines works for me. Not once during the week did I over-eat, and not once did I feel hungry. So maybe that’s something I will continue to do at least when we eat at home. As far as the gluten-free diet goes, the most difficult thing about it is limitations of dining out and the stress of having to pack my lunch every single day. There is not a single gluten-containing food that I really missed or craved.
I am feeling pensive and a little sad as I am wrapping up my project, my mood undoubtedly colored by a very difficult Dexcom insertion saga tonight that lasted 45 minutes and involved a lot of tears and fear on V’s part. On the other hand, I am typing this post without Dexcom sensor attached to my arm. Before she went to bed, V pulled it off. My skin is a little red and there is a minuscule drop of dried blood at the insertion site. It will remind me of this project for a few days. Remember how yesterday I said that there is a part of me that does not want to let go? I take it back. I am ready to be done. I will make good on my promise to check my BG with V from time to time. I will be more mindful of my own carb intake and eat even more gluten-free foods. I will try to be more patient and understanding with V when she does not want to check her BG because it is interrupting her life. I have the luxury of making these choices, of playing the game again if I want to, and I don’t have to experience any adverse consequences for myself. If I could swap places with V and take her T1D and celiac for myself, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I also know it is not possible. With that knowledge my heart is breaking for her and at the same time I am glad that I do not have to go through what she is going trough. We are all sharing in V’s care now, helping her with many things, but it is her diabetes, her celiac, her body and her life. Soon, the management will be all hers, too. I will be supporting her every step of the way but no matter how close I try to experience her life and how much I try to walk in her shoes, I will always come up short.