Today I checked my BG out in the open at work, twice. I had an option of doing it in private in my office and then joining everyone else at the meeting. I actually momentarily considered it, even though it would be contrary to my intentions. I will admit, I was a little nervous. Would people stare? Would they be grossed out? Would they ask questions that I’d find too personal or uncomfortable or plain stupid? I know V constantly gets questions from other kids and it gets to her sometimes. No one said anything to me. Maybe it’s because most people know by now I am doing this as a project? Would their reaction be different if I actually had T1D? It made me think about other people with diabetes, how they handle day-to-day care, how they may be treated by others when they attend to their needs in the open.
In fact, I thought a lot today about T1D adults who are also parenting T1D kids. That is one stressor that is difficult for me to imagine. In the morning I was feeling double and triple stressed having to prep breakfast and helping V with carbs, while also minding my own BG and measuring out my own food in addition to hers, while also keeping GF foods separate from regular food for my son. It is all too much multitasking for me and takes extra time. By the time I finally sat down to eat my breakfast it was cold. Oh well…
As I am getting further into my project, I am starting to doubt if I’m really getting a taste of V’s life. I am receiving a very different treatment since I am an adult around other adults, and since I am a fake diabetic/celiac. I am starting to feel a little fake. Like here I am, parading with my gadgets, getting all kinds of supportive comments about being a great Mom, but really what I’m going through is so insignificant compared to living with T1D and Celiac for real every day. I can check my BG and count my carbs but I don’t need to worry about administering just the right dose of insulin or experience the aftermath of miscalculations. I go through the hassle of staying strictly gluten-free but I do not need to be concerned with accidental cross-contamination. It’s all fun and games for me. The stakes are much higher for V. I can go through the motions as accurately as possible but how much closer does it get me to understanding of what it’s like to walk in her shoes? I am not sure.
On a brighter note, it was time for both of us to change our pods tonight. I told V that she could pick my new site. Since she put the pod on her arm, she wanted me to keep mine on the arm as well so that we could become pod twinsies.